something new that, for whatever reason, had to be written

Posted: March 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

The Dark

It’s still dark, the pit within me, even when I look at the light. The dark is a part of me, stuffed deep within to stay hidden from the light and those who don’t understand.

Cheer up they say, smile they say, without understanding why or how the dark became. They mean well.

The dark is almost as old as I am formed in my youth without knowing. Formed by those forces that nightmares are made of. Nightmares that never go away though the actual nightmare itself died a long time ago. Now all is left is a scar that if picked at will still bleed and cause pain.

I see the light most times, but I know the dark is still there. No matter how many times I shove the dark into the light and it shatters, a piece of it remains to grow again, just as big and just as painful as if brand new. It will not be conquered.

Sometimes the dark is more comfortable to me than the light and I wallow in it like an old blanket. Even if the old blanket has spurs and pokes me at least its familiar. Probably because it’s been a part of me for so long.

Sometimes the light will cause more pain and the dark relishes these moments because it knows it will be fed from my fear, my anxiety. It waits for those times, ever patient.

I may be able to live at peace sometimes, and I may be able to laugh sometimes, but the dark is always there,  always waiting for me to let go of the light so it can consume me once more.

Why, you ask, do I let the dark remain? Can I be rid of it? Can I stay in the light not worried about the dark part of me? Can I be rid of it?

Oh, don’t think I haven’t tried. Yes, I’ve tried that and this, over and over again. The dark remains, waiting just there. On that thin line. Waiting for me to cross over once my guard is down again.

One day it may consume me completely and I won’t see the light any longer. Will I be able to come back to the light? But will I know the difference? Ah, that’s a good question.


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